Radical Transformation Part 2: Trusting God With the Unknown

Trusting God With the Unknown: That is where this journey went. February 14^th was Paul’s last day with a job. Praying together became essential as we started down the road of trusting God to provide something new. We spent time as a family that weekend, and began reconnecting with recruiters Monday morning. Once the word was out, the phone started ringing off the hook, and interviews were being scheduled. Paul and I both thought this process would be so easy and he’d have his pick of jobs by the end of the week. That first week turned into weeks, and the journey ahead was long and frustrating.

By the end of the second week, my heart started to fill with anxiety. I was having physical anxiety symptoms because I’m a planner and I handle the finances for our family. We received our last paycheck from Paul’s previous company, and we were no longer covered under health insurance. For our family, health insurance is so important because we have children that either seriously injure themselves, or become extremely sick multiple times a year. Each year it is guaranteed we’ll have multiple hospital visits and in this world, a hospital visit can bankrupt a family. This was once again an area where we could trust God to provide, and HE DID!

We went into March knowing that we had a tax return coming, but that was it. I told Paul, we HAVE to have you working to generate an income by the end of the 2nd week in order to have a paycheck in March. Talk about putting pressure on my husband. Did I mention that we have no savings! We have money in 401Ks, but do not have an actual savings account. Oh and debt, yeah, we have debt too. In February, Paul’s car registration came due as well as his student loan repayment plan. Talk about huge expenses with no idea where the next paycheck would come. The tax return could cover almost 2 weeks of a regular paycheck, but in my opinion, there was no way we could get through March without a paycheck! With that said, we tithed 10% of that income tax return with full faith that God would come through for us! People always say, “I can’t afford to tithe.” I’m sorry to inform you but when you are expecting God to take care of your family you can’t afford NOT to tithe. Tithing is giving God back what He has entrusted your family with. Paul and I are firm believers that tithing is essential and so, by tithing while not knowing how we would pay the end of month bills, we were saying, “God we fully trust You!” Guess what? Thanks to a sweet lady hitting my van, causing some damage, and leaving a note about wanting to make things right, we got a check for the exact amount of our mortgage in the mail to cover the cost of repairs!! That is not a coincidence that is God providing! Once we start receiving a paycheck, I’ll get my van fixed, but for now, all of my bills are paid through April 11^th. 

When March began, I had no idea how we would get through the month without a paycheck. With regards to jobs, Paul and I have always prayed for God to close doors that are not in His plan for our family. We prayed that same prayer over and over again together and we watched as God closed so many doors. We were prepared to move to two different states and God even closed those doors. We received offers for jobs, but none felt like the right spot. Then, one door that had been opened for weeks opened wider. We watched as God made it very clear it was the path for our family. It was risky, but the benefits could be great, and it was another opportunity to trust our Almighty God to provide.

Two weeks ago, Paul accepted a contract job with a company to work for a different large company in Colorado. We were ready to get started so we could generate a paycheck by the end of March, but Paul wasn’t able to start until this past Monday. That gave us a week to bring Otto Ops, LLC to life. It has always been our dream to start our own company, but it is also very scary because we need a steady income, and we need health insurance. We’ve already learned what it means to live by faith and trust God with our future, so we jumped in with both feet. After only 2 days in the office, Paul feels this was the best move we could have ever made. The best career move, the best move for our marriage, and the best move for our family. Now, if he needs to work overtime, he bills the company for it. J

I am once again, humbled and thankful for this entire experience. I’m so done with living for my will and plans. God’s plans are greater and bigger than I could ever imagine and He knows what the future holds. The 5 weeks we had while Paul was unemployed were trying and exhausting. They were also the best 5 weeks we’ve had as a family in a very long time! We’ve spent so much time together, and I’m appreciative of the precious time we’ve had. We’ve transformed into a family that spends more time together, and trusts God with what we have. Things I thought we needed were easily forgotten, as we learned what was essential and what was not essential. Paul and I are both plugged into Bible Studies, and we’re working towards really plugging into our church so we can grow. The transformation has just begun and I’m nervous as well as excited to see where this journey takes us.

Radical Transformation for the Ottos: Fully learning to trust God with all aspects of our lives. Trusting him with our time, our finances, and our future. Making God and our beliefs #1 and family #2. Going against the norm of working insane hours to earn a paycheck to working enough hours to survive and then spending the rest of that time teaching our children what it means to live for God. We have 8 years left with our oldest child, and we want him to leave the nest with a firm foundation in Christ, not a desire to work himself to death. 

Radical Transformation Part 1

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Radical Transformation: That is where this journey started. Last October, our pastor started a sermon series on radical transformation. It was a series with “Will You?” commitments every week. Paul and I loved the series, but we had no idea what lied ahead, or how much that series was going to impact our lives.  Looking back, I feel that spiritual growth was preparing our family for a new stage in life where we would need to fully commitment everything we have to the Lord. As a family, we would go against the cultural norms and transform!

The “Will You?” sermon series ended with a commitment….a commitment to God and our church to work towards radical transformation. Paul and I knew our home life needed to most drastic transformation of them all. He had been working tirelessly at a start-up company that expected 24/7/365 from him, and it had been 10 months of non-stop work. Our family tank was empty and we were at a crossroads. Our marriage was struggling to stay afloat, and the kids were constantly complaining that they didn’t have time with dad. See, Paul would come home, but he would need to get back on the computer to work so he was never fully here. He strives to be an involved father, but work was forcing him to put his family on the backburner. I could see the struggle within him to persevere to provide for his family, but falling apart at the seams because he wanted to be the husband and father that his heart desired him to be. The sermon series made it abundantly clear that we needed a drastic change in the Otto household.

We began praying and asking God for guidance, and Paul started replying to recruiters about a new job. For us, Paul has such a unique resume that he is contacted about jobs all of the time. He interviewed and took things slowly in hopes of finding the perfect match. 2014 started with a new sermon series for families called, “Home Fitness.” Once again, we were faced with the reality that our home needed a transformation. What we didn’t realize was how radical that transformation would end up being. Paul took an offer to interview at a new start-up that we were excited about a year or so ago. We didn’t expect him to take the job because he was hoping to take a job with 2 larger corporations and possibly relocate. He walked in, nailed the interview, and they offered Paul a job on the spot! It wasn’t the level of income he wanted, so they asked what he needed to leave his current job. He gave them a crazy number that he didn’t expect them to meet. An hour later, they called with that salary, plus a life-changing amount of stock, 100% free healthcare, and a paid-for vacation. It seemed like a blessing from above and we were so very excited about it all. What we didn’t realize was how far Satan had led us away from the real path we were to be on. We excepted the job offer and couldn’t believe the opportunity we were given.

In the past, Paul has always laid out work/life balance needs to each employer so they know upfront that he is a family man first. The first start-up took advantage of that, and Paul was assured the new start-up wouldn’t do that. Two weeks in, and Paul was feeling an extreme amount of pressure to work much longer than 12-hour days. After a very large argument and some Godly wisdom from a trusted mentor, Paul went into work to talk expectations. What he found out was that the new company needed 80+ hours a week for the next 6-9 months. Wow….there is no overtime pay for those extra hours because he works on salary. I asked Paul to talk to the CEO to make sure that was what the company needed from him. The CEO agreed that was the need for the foreseeable future. Paul made the decision that day to leave the job! No job in place, no savings, no idea where he would go….Paul quit his job! It wasn’t on bad terms that he left, and they even paid him 2 weeks severance with benefits to give him time to find something else. I am so glad the CEO and others respected his decision to put family first. 

Paul left that job that day with the confidence that he would have a new job in a week. This was a journey that started with a lot of pride and confidence, and ended with a family fully trusting and relying on God and with very, very humble hearts. I am extremely grateful for this entire process, for the transformation our family has undergone, and continues to go through to come out more Christ-like than ever. Never in my life have I trusted God in the way that I do now. It has made all of us different people, and I am humbled by this experience.

Importance of Eye Contact

I've really been trying hard to change the little ways I interact with my children. With the whole realization that time is slipping through my fingers, I'm working towards a deeper relationship with them before it is too late. My days are busy, and while some moms may think, "I already do that." some of these things are not easy for this mom with 4 children.

My mornings are crazy stressful. Paul is usually out the door before the children wake up, or he's leaving as they are crawling out of bed. That leaves the morning routine in my hands. Encouraging 4 children to get ready, eat, and have everything together to go to school is easier said than done. In the past, mornings were crazy with a lot of arguing between everyone and frustration getting out the door. Now I'm working to make things calmer and encouraging a positive environment before they go. I want to make contact with each child in a positive and encouraging way before sending them off all day to school.

In my opinion, the afternoons are much harder than the mornings. Now that Ethan's participating in safety patrol, we are getting home around 3:35 and need to be out the door for swimming by 5:00. This is the most stressful part of my day as I need to help 3 children with homework while making after-school snacks, entertain a 3-year old, make dinner, and monitor a sick dog. It can be so crazy at times, and I rarely take a moment to really connect with my children while helping them with homework.

Tonight I was encouraging Elizabeth to write her one sentence even though she didn't want to, while explaining to Isaac why he needed to think critically before answering his question, shredding cheese for dinner, and trying to listen to Ethan explain his thinking about an article. I could hear in the background of my mind Ethan intently telling me why he thought a certain way about an article that he needed to discuss on his class site. Something in my mind told me to stop what I was doing and look into his eyes, and that is what I did. What happened next hit me like a ton of bricks. I stopped shredding the cheese and I asked Isaac and Elizabeth to hold on a minute. I then looked straight into Ethan's eyes and asked him to continue on. He talked for a full 10 minutes about why he thought the article was the most important one in the Time for Kids magazine, and explained why he thought another student was wrong. 10 precious minutes went by and I had completely focused on one child while he looked into my eyes and talked intently and passionately about homework. I had made a connection I hadn't made with him in a long time. I stopped and took in all he had to say, and then realized how much I was missing out on. By not stopping and taking more little moments to listen to my children really talk, I miss little opportunities to build a stronger relationship with them.

How many times have I hushed my children because I just wanted to finish dinner so we could move onto the next agenda item? How many other times has a child walked away sad that mommy was too busy to focus on them tell her something on their hearts and minds? At that moment, I felt like a failure, but I also saw that I could make changes to do better. Today,  I took a moment to refocus and let something go so I could make a connection with a child that needed me. While you may be thinking that you do that all of the time, or it is easy for you, it is not for me. In my humble opinion, having 4 children is very hard and demanding at times. No matter how many children you have, take a few moments each day to look deep into their eyes and listen to whatever is on their mind.

Sarah

Kids and Swimming

After spending another weekend at a swim meet, I thought I'd update everyone on the Otto children's achievements. As some of you know, Ethan began this swim journey the spring before he turned 8. We put Ethan, Isaac, and Elizabeth into swim lessons at SafeSplash Swim School in March in hopes that someone would learn to swim before summer. We have a free neighborhood pool that our HOA dues pay for and we wanted to enjoy it that year. Within a few months, Ethan had learned the freestyle and backstroke strokes, and we started talking about next steps. Ethan joined Aces that next fall. Isaac followed suit by swimming with the neighborhood team that next summer. We quickly became involved with the Smoky Hill Sharks and Ethan(8) and Isaac (6) had a great summer. That fall Isaac joined Aces and swam year-round. This past summer, Elizabeth decided she wanted to swim with the friends she made last summer. As a 5-year old we were not expecting much, but she quickly caught on and proved to be quite the backstroker like her big brother, Ethan. She too wanted to try for Aces, and we decided to let her go to rookie week expecting her to change her mind after the first practice. We were wrong again. Elizabeth has become a fierce competitor as a swimmer, and has shown more dedication to a sport than we ever expected from a 6 year-old. We are 100% committed now to being a swim family and our lives pretty much revolve around practice and meets. At this last meet, David started taking off his clothes because he expected that he was going to swim too. It might just be time to get him involved with lessons in the coming months.

Broken down by child:

Ethan - he's 10 years old and has the body of a swimmer. Ethan has such long arms and legs that he has this natural ability to swim long distances. We've learned that sprint swimming isn't his thing, and although he does well with the 50Y events, he excels at anything 100Y or longer. His coach thinks that Ethan will be even stronger with long course swimming. Ethan has qualified to swim at both Silver State Championships this year, as well as State Championships. He has been swimming 4-5 times a week since the beginning of the season to make those cut-offs.

Summer 2013 top times                                Aces 2013-14 Top Times

100IM   1:44:12Y                                          100 IM   1.29.15Y       200 IM   3.05.63Y
50 back  40.88Y                                             50 back  37.04Y         100 back   1.20.66Y
50 free  34.15Y                                              50 free 32.43Y              100 free  1.13.77Y
50 breast 1:05:57Y                                        50 breast   51.13Y       100 breast 1.45.15Y
100 free  1:22:34Y                                        200 free   2.45.55Y      500 free   6.59.61Y
50 fly   48.86Y                                               50 fly       42.40Y             100 fly  1.41.26


Isaac - he's 8 years old and has the determination of a swimmer. Isaac hasn't had a growth spurt in several years now, so he's built more stocky than Ethan. Rather than having long lean arms and legs, Isaac has very muscular arms and legs. The child is pure muscle. His goal at the beginning of the season was to pass the Jack's test and move up to swim with Ethan's group. He just turned 8, and has proven to the others that he belongs in that group. He moved up 2 months before his 8th birthday, and has had to work extremely hard to catch up. He tends to finish his set as they are beginning a new one so he rarely gets a break between sets. His favorite part of swimming is moving to the dive well where he gets to compete against the other 8 year olds.  Isaac will get his shot at a championship type of event when he swims at the Aces Mighty Mini meet. Each event is broken down by age and gender and there are medals for each event. It is the highlight of the season for children aged 8 and under.

Summer 2013 top times                             Aces 2013-14 Top Times               

25 back  24.10Y                                          25 back  22.39Y               50 back  50.48Y
25 fly  22.04Y                                             25 fly     22.00Y                50 fly     57.39Y
25 free 19.14Y                                            25 free 17.34Y                  50 breast  1:06:43Y
100IM  2:16:24Y                                        100IM  1:50:38Y              100 free 1:30:60Y
25 breast  30.79Y                                        25 breast  25.69Y
50 free  44.64Y                                            50 free   40.03Y


Elizabeth - she's 6 years old and a princess in the pool. My little girl loves to swim, but it must be on her terms. She has her routine down pat to get ready for swimming, and knows just what she needs to do during practice. She loves her coach and does her best to get his attention all of the time. She loves to swim, and I'm not sure which is her favorite: freestyle or backstroke, but she's proving to be strong in both strokes. This past weekend she swam her breaststroke, but she's still disqualifying it, and she does not like the butterfly at all right now. It is amazing to watch Elizabeth swim. She doesn't work as hard as the others in practice, but if you put her in the pool for a meet, a whole different swimmer comes out. She pushes herself so hard during her events and strives to touch the wall first. Elizabeth will get her shot at a championship type of event when she swims at the Aces Mighty Mini meet. She'll finally swim with just 5&6 year olds for a medal.

Summer 2013 top times                    Aces 2013-14 Top Times

25 free   31.11Y                                   25 back   27.34Y          50 free    59.68Y
25 back  28.17Y                                  25 back   26.06Y
25 breast  52.88Y                                25 breast  35.93Y

I'm going to keep this post updated so we can keep track of their top times for the age. They are excited to see the differences over time, and we are too.

A New Chapter

This past weekend I had a complete meltdown. I wasn't quite sure what was wrong with me, but my emotions were out of control, and I knew I needed a huge break from my family. The same thing happened a few times last month. Throughout December I should have been happy and looking forward to Christmas, but I was depressed and didn't realize it. Depression does run in my family, and I've dealt with it a few times, but never to the extent that I did in December. I'm a pretty strong person with some heavy duty walls built up inside of me. Some of the walls have been broken down through the years, but I'm not one to cry. If I'm crying, there is usually a very big reason why and my kids know something is very wrong. It just is not something I'm able to allow myself to do. With that said, I cried a lot in December.

This has been a new week for me, and I'm coming to realize that I've moved into a new chapter of my life. For the past 10 years, I've been a mother to young children. I've been married for 12 but those first 2 years Paul and I didn't live together at all due to military assignments that kept us separated and Paul's duty in Iraq. As soon as Paul came home, we had Ethan, and almost 2 months later we moved to California.

Our years in California were by far the hardest for our family. Paul and I didn't take the needed vacation time after he returned home from Iraq for a couple to reconnect because we wanted to save those days for when we moved. As soon as we moved, Paul immediately started working around the clock pretty much 7 days a week until he started school. Talk about a lot of stress on a young married couple with a baby. It was so hard for me not to have those precious moments to rekindle the marriage relationship with my husband when he was working so very hard for our family. We quickly moved to both of us going to school full-time and working part-time so we could make ends meet. We chose to keep Ethan out of daycare so we juggled our schedules but rarely saw each other. We managed to have another child during that time, and I chose to put my education on hold so Paul could finish his degree. The day after he graduated from CSU with his bachelors we moved to Colorado.

Moving to Colorado and making the transition to family life was tough. We had an amazing church family and some great mentors to help us navigate the bumps along the way. We had Elizabeth and then I immediatly went back to school to finish up my bachelors degree in Accounting. Fast forward a few years and David came and Paul jumping into is focusing on his Masters Degree a month later. Juggling 4 children while working full-time at a very stressful job that included on-call (meaning pretty much 24/7 duty) and working on a masters degree was crazy for us. We both sacrificed to make it happen and Paul graduated in June.

We've had a crazy 12 years of marriage between us. I've been a mother for over 10 years now and I'm still struggling to figure things out. Some days I wonder how my kids turned out the way they did with such a crazy mother. There are days I feel like I've completely failed them. I love my 4 children with all of my heart, and if you add my 2 dogs in the mix, I have 6 children that need me.

Back to December.....December was a hard month, but I didn't take time to really think about why I was struggling so much. Today, in the car to Costco, I thought a lot about my emotions and the struggles I've had. I realized that I wasn't overwhelmed by my job, but overwhelmed by the emotions to a chapter of my life ending. See, for the last 10 years I've had someone at home with me at all times. Monday started a new chapter in my life because David started preschool. 4 days a week, David is gone for 2.5 hours. I wouldn't have given him up so easily because David and I have so much fun together, but he really needs the speech help. He is so far behind his peers with speech that it wasn't fair for me to hold him back. With that said, my heart has been broken all week while he has been away. While I desperately need some "me" time, I miss my little guy so much while he is gone and I don't know what to do with that time I have each day. I've also been thinking a lot about Ethan. This is my last year with Ethan in elementary school. He already shows me he doesn't need me anymore because he is so grown up. My first-born has become so responsible and independent that I miss him wanting my help all of the time. Elizabeth started Kindergarten this year, but she begged to go all-day. We've made sacrifices to pay for full-day Kindergarten because she loves school so very much. I miss her and our time together now that she is gone all day as well. Isaac has always been my independent child. He is getting better at spending time with mom, but he's always wanted to do things alone. We have our song though....he's my sunshine my only sunshine and he knows that song is his alone. I'm realizing that my children are growing up and I'm moving into a new chapter of my life but I'm not doing it as gracefully as I would like.

I'm ready for this new chapter to begin, but part me of still need to let go and move forward. I'm so excited for the new things I'll be doing, but deep down I'm missing my little guy so much. Next week I'll be joining a Bible study and for the first time in 10 years, I won't have to worry about a child. With David loving preschool so much, I'm hoping he'll finally go into Sunday School without me. I can do things I haven't been able to do for 10 years, and I'm not sure where I want to start yet. Right now I'm digging into a different Bible study which has been so great for me, but I'm ready to put the effort into friendships that I've neglected. I'm ready to put myself first for awhile and that is hard for a me to do. It is time to let go and let God bring me into a whole new stage of life with more trials and more refining....I'm looking forward to the woman I'll be in the coming years.

Thanks for taking the time to read my very long post. Hopefully I'll use some of my new found freedom to write more, but just not this much.

Blessings,
Sarah

Update from November

Hi all!

Paul and I are absolutely amazed at how quickly the last few months have gone by. With 4 children, we are so busy that the days seem to pass by so quickly. We are learning to not take our time as a family for granted, and to carve out more time for memory making. Sometimes that means spending a bit more money to do something fun, but it is worth it to have the memory.

This children are doing amazing in school. Ethan and Isaac have excelled in school this year! We've watched as Ethan has made a huge change in his maturity level from last year at Cherry Creek Academy. This year he takes more of a responsibility for his own school work. I have very little contact with the teachers, and Ethan is the one who discusses missed assignments and problems with the teachers on his own. His principal encourages parents to let their children advocate for themselves starting in 2nd grade so the students get used to discussing issues on their own. Isaac is excelling in school! He loves to read, and works to finish a chapter book every week now!  He makes school look easy. Elizabeth just loves preschool! She was sick for almost a week recently, and she begged to go to school every day. She is working on writing all of her lowercase letters and learning how to read. David is finally talking!! Thanksgiving weekend was a huge weekend for him, and he just keeps moving right along to add words to his vocabulary. I think we may be at a point where we can remove our speech behaviorist from our weekly visits and focus strictly on speech therapy. I am so happy to finally hear "mama" it just makes my heart melt.

As of Monday, December 3rd, Paul start a new job! God has blessed us yet again :) I am amazed everyday at the simple blessings in our life. God has been so good to us and we are so appreciative of all the big and little ways He works in our life. Paul has moved on from his job as a Senior Mysql Engineer at Godaddy to a Senior Database Administrator for a small local company called TrackVia. This is a huge promotion and opportunity for Paul as he will be working directly for the CTO at this company. We are both excited for where this opportunity will take Paul in his career.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We have much to be thankful for each year, but especially in 2012!

September update

Sorry it has been a bit since we have posted any updates.

Ethan turned 9 on September 5th! His birthday was not as we planned because David partially amputated his thumb and fractured it when he shut the dog run door on it! I'm so glad Paul was home because he quickly grabbed a towel and David's thumb as I grabbed my keys and shoes and we headed to Children's Hospital. They were able to stitch his thumb back together, but he is now missing his thumb nail. Thursday we went to a top hand surgeon who steri stitched the foil in hopes of a new thumb nail coming in. He also got a bright green cast up to his elbow for the next 2.5 weeks.

Isaac made the ACES year-round swim team! He was so excited and now joins Ethan with swimming on a USA swimming team. Isaac also stays busy coloring at home. He loves art and is always making something. He has also been building a lot. Isaac has caught onto the game of chess very quickly, and now asks to play as often as Paul is available to play.

Ethan loves the band and playing the baritone horn. His new favorite hobby is building with the new legos he got for his birthday. He has been playing a lot, but his school works tends to keep him pretty busy at night. This year Ethan has taken more responsibility for his own work, and that has been a huge blessing.

Elizabeth loves her 2nd year of pre-school. It has been a bit tough for her as the boys are getting to a point that they don't want to play with girls. The class has mostly boys in it, and about 4 girls. She struggles to enjoy playing girl games as she has 3 brothers she plays with all of the time.

David is improving each week with his speech work. He is starting to talk more. I think some of it has to do with giving up the pacifier a few weeks back. He signs a lot, but he has begun to say words like, all done, thank you, da da, icky, hot. There are more, I just can't remember them right now. The great news is he is working at talking more.

Blessings,

Sarah

Ethan band

Ethan has been excited all summer about the opportunity to begin band in 4th grade. The program is new to our charter school, and Ethan is all on board. Today he went to meet with Mr. Kelley to determine which instrument was best for him. He went in hoping to play the trombone, but left excited to play the baritone horn! This is the same instrument Paul played in band. We are on the search for a reasonably priced baritone horn, so if you know of someone selling one please let us know.

Isaac baptized!

Sunday we attended at church baptism after service. As Paul and I were wrangling our children outside we couldn't find Isaac. We look around and found him in the group of people waiting for a before picture for baptisms. We asked him what he was doing and he replied, "I am getting baptized today!" Isaac accepted Jesus a few years back, and asked to be baptized last summer, so we didn't say no this time. So, with 20 other people, Isaac gave public declaration to his personal relationship with Jesus Christ! It was a very exciting and unplanned celebration for our family.