I've really been trying hard to change the little ways I interact with my children. With the whole realization that time is slipping through my fingers, I'm working towards a deeper relationship with them before it is too late. My days are busy, and while some moms may think, "I already do that." some of these things are not easy for this mom with 4 children.
My mornings are crazy stressful. Paul is usually out the door before the children wake up, or he's leaving as they are crawling out of bed. That leaves the morning routine in my hands. Encouraging 4 children to get ready, eat, and have everything together to go to school is easier said than done. In the past, mornings were crazy with a lot of arguing between everyone and frustration getting out the door. Now I'm working to make things calmer and encouraging a positive environment before they go. I want to make contact with each child in a positive and encouraging way before sending them off all day to school.
In my opinion, the afternoons are much harder than the mornings. Now that Ethan's participating in safety patrol, we are getting home around 3:35 and need to be out the door for swimming by 5:00. This is the most stressful part of my day as I need to help 3 children with homework while making after-school snacks, entertain a 3-year old, make dinner, and monitor a sick dog. It can be so crazy at times, and I rarely take a moment to really connect with my children while helping them with homework.
Tonight I was encouraging Elizabeth to write her one sentence even though she didn't want to, while explaining to Isaac why he needed to think critically before answering his question, shredding cheese for dinner, and trying to listen to Ethan explain his thinking about an article. I could hear in the background of my mind Ethan intently telling me why he thought a certain way about an article that he needed to discuss on his class site. Something in my mind told me to stop what I was doing and look into his eyes, and that is what I did. What happened next hit me like a ton of bricks. I stopped shredding the cheese and I asked Isaac and Elizabeth to hold on a minute. I then looked straight into Ethan's eyes and asked him to continue on. He talked for a full 10 minutes about why he thought the article was the most important one in the Time for Kids magazine, and explained why he thought another student was wrong. 10 precious minutes went by and I had completely focused on one child while he looked into my eyes and talked intently and passionately about homework. I had made a connection I hadn't made with him in a long time. I stopped and took in all he had to say, and then realized how much I was missing out on. By not stopping and taking more little moments to listen to my children really talk, I miss little opportunities to build a stronger relationship with them.
How many times have I hushed my children because I just wanted to finish dinner so we could move onto the next agenda item? How many other times has a child walked away sad that mommy was too busy to focus on them tell her something on their hearts and minds? At that moment, I felt like a failure, but I also saw that I could make changes to do better. Today, I took a moment to refocus and let something go so I could make a connection with a child that needed me. While you may be thinking that you do that all of the time, or it is easy for you, it is not for me. In my humble opinion, having 4 children is very hard and demanding at times. No matter how many children you have, take a few moments each day to look deep into their eyes and listen to whatever is on their mind.
Sarah
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